My Letter To You
by BethShadows
Summary: A simple letter. The message of said letter is laced with sadness and loss. It may have been years since the Death, but the mourning still goes on.
I was in a kind of sad mood so I wrote this. It's mostly dedicated to my friend who lost her dad when she was really young. She wrote about him in an personal English essay and I was nearly crying by the end of the first paragraph.

* * *

Dear Harry,

It's been a while since I lost you, but I can't go a day without thinking about you. The pain of having someone you love ripped away, can take a lifetime to heal. Ripped is definitely the right word. The almost torture of it. I'm guessing it was okay for you. I hope you feel no pain. Wait, that's a lie. I want you to feel the pain I felt and still do every day. I know it wasn't your fault, but sometimes you just need someone to blame.

I remember when we first met. You were basically a boy, mucking about with your friends. You spilt your drink on me. I wasn't exactly used to legs at this point, but you were lucky. No one saw me. Of course you weren't to know the " weird girl " was actually a Mermaid who grew a tail whenever any water touched her skin. I can still remember the look on your face when you first saw my tail. You were like a child, waking up on Christmas morning and finding they got exactly what they wanted. I was so scared that you would leave or tell someone. But you didn't. You stayed and kept my biggest secret , even though I know it cost you some friends. You can't hide anything from a Mermaid.

I still have the ring. The engagement ring. I don't wear it often but I've kept it safe all these years. I can't help smiling when I think of your face when I said yes. It was possibly the happiest I'd ever seen you. Smiling ear to ear, trying not to show your teeth. I remember laughing at you.

I'd always loved your sense of humour and the way you actually wanted to hear about everything that happened during the day. Even though I was still new to land. You said I was like a child. Everything being new and exciting. You showed me the land and I showed you the sea. I liked the way that even though we were so different we worked.

I think I had mostly healed from your loss. Then the other Mermaids arrived. Newbies from Mako. They found the photo. The one of us on the rocks. Me with my tail. They questioned me about you and I didn't want to talk about you. Then more arrived. One of them , Ondina her name is was facing the same choice I did. In the end she lost him too. Not to Death but betrayal. In the end she never actually had to make the choice though. It worked out for her. Seeing their happiness, it hurts me sometimes. Maybe one day I'll get that happiness again.

You asked me once if it was the right thing, me leaving the Pod for you. I don't think I ever answered you. Well now I am answering. Yes. I may have left behind friends but I got a new life. And I think it's better than any life I could have had with the Pod.

Everyone says " he's in a better place now " , that doesn't comfort me. Mermaids don't believe in afterlife so I can't picture you somewhere but in the living world. I miss you so much. I miss everything about you. Your smile, the way your eyes could change colour from brown to green, the way you were willing to eat fish almost every night. Apart from Saturday's where you introduced me to the joys of land food. I miss the way you were always up for a swim, I miss the way you sang around the house. I just miss everything .Even the way we argued (which wasn't often.) I get the feeling you would want me to at least attempt to move on, but for now, however painful, I want to be in the past. Those days of stretched out happiness. The lazy days in the Sun. The rainy days watching movies on the couch. I loved how you wanted to learn so much about what it was like living as a Mermaid. I suppose anyone would, but it was the toned down enthusiasm that made the interest genuine, rather than just wanting information. You wanted to listen to me talk, sometimes I don't think you were even paying full attention to the words, but I don't mind. That dreamy look in your eyes and the smile on your face made me not care about anything else in the world.

I guess I should have clung to the happiness when I had it, but like everyone , I thought it would last forever. And like so many others I learned the hard way. Nothing lasts forever.

So many stories mention the crumbling feeling you get once you lose some. That total numbness of mourning. I want to feel it sometimes, just to drown out the feelings.I just let the sadness wash right over, because it's better than bottling up the tears. I've heard it said that mourning is selfish. I don't care. Sometimes we all just need to be selfish.

After all this I can see why Mermaids and Land People don't usually work out. But it was definitely worth it to have those years of love and so much happiness.

\- Rita


End file.
